A Greater Good

Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."

Timothy no longer trusts me.

It's no wonder; all week long his Daddy and I have been consenters, agents, and originators of his agony. We have muscled down his thrashing limbs for shots and IVs; constrained his quivering head for bloody exams; driven him to hellish, windowless buildings full of uniformed strangers wielding knives and needles; and abandoned him, terrified, behind closed doors only to wake up alone with fresh wounds. In his tiny 2-year-old mind, he cannot comprehend that any pain could be for a greater good. All he knows is that he has suffered and we have done nothing to stop it.

The hours we have spent comforting, consoling, and staying alongside him do not matter. The damage has been done. His confidence is lost.

Time, consistency, and relief will not build back his faith in us. No; the only way trust can truly be restored is if he chooses it in spite of the pain. He will have to do this in the absence of any logical explanation; for, even if it were given, he would not be able to comprehend it. Instead, he must place his faith in us, not because it makes sense, but because he believes that we love him and want what is best for him. This is a critical test for his little soul; for if he finds the strength to turn his heart toward his earthly Mommy and Daddy, he will take the first step toward eternal trust in a Heavenly Father who also allows pain without explanation for our greater good.

Timothy, I know you cannot understand why you have had to endure this hardship, but you must choose to trust anyway. Somehow, you must believe that the pain you have suffered came from a decision we made out of our deepest love for you. If you decide to believe in our goodness, I promise you will find rest for your soul. Trust in us, so that one day you will understand what it means to trust in God. His love is infinitely more deep, pure, and perfect than ours.

We love you.