Romans 8:18, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

There is no sweeter place than that of utter helplessness before God.

Last night, as sleep fled from my eyes, my spirit longed for some eloquent, exhaustive, persuasive prayer that would convince God to take away my child’s suffering. Instead, all I could do was to cry out, “I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU!” over and over again. How could I put into words the anguish of a parent anticipating her child’s pain? I wanted nothing more than to take Timothy in my arms, hold him tight, and protect him from all of the world’s brokenness

I wonder what God the Father experienced that night in Gethsemane. The Scriptures describe in great detail the distress of Jesus; but what of the Father? How did He feel on the eve of His beloved Son’s crucifixion? The Scriptures are strangely silent. I know that He felt compassion, for He sent an angel to comfort Him; but, like me, did He feel anxious, afraid, helpless?

In three days, I will watch my son be put to sleep, then walk away as I entrust him to the hands of his surgeons. Really, though, I will consciously be placing him back, yet again, into the hands of Christ. Timothy belongs to God, and despite the depths of my love for him, incredibly, his Heavenly Father loves him even more. It is hard enough for me to relinquish my child into the hands of a loving God; I cannot fathom what the Father must have felt as He placed His Son in the hands of sinful men, bent on destruction, and ultimately into the hands of the Devil himself. However, there is one thing I do know: He was not anxious, worried, or afraid. He knew that once all things had been worked together for good, every knee would bow, and every tongue would confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

While I do not know the future God has planned, I do know that He is good and has promised to freely give all things to those who love Him. I cannot take away Timothy’s pain, but I can ask the Lord to take away my anxiety as I trust Him to take care of this beloved little boy whom we both love more than life itself, and to bring glory to God through all things.