Surgery Update 3/23/11

Well, Timothy was quite a trooper today. After a 7am bottle of breast milk, he went without until the doctors finally allowed a g-tube milk feed after 7pm! He was a little cranky about that, but I would have been too! Fortunately, Shannon's latex-glove turkey balloons helped distract him a bit.

The surgery started at about 12:15 and lasted a little over 3 hours. Our last glimpse of him was a good one, as he was nice and relaxed from the dose of happy juice the anesthesiologist gave him (aka Versed). He was NOT a happy camper post-op, though, and it took quite a bit of distraction to calm him down. He did chug some Pedialyte (all they would allow), then (understandably) got mad when he realized it was really just fancy water. We finally got sent up to a room in the PICU, where he is staying tonight with his wonderful Daddy, who does night shift so his Mommy can get some rest.

Dr. Shin (ENT) was able to laser some of the area in the back of his tongue, near the epiglottis, where the LM was starting to close in on his vocal chords. The next step is to see how he reacts to the laser treatment (i.e., if the surrounding, remaining LM grows into and takes over the area removed, and how much and how well he scars). She and Dr. Feng (radiologist) were also able to sclerose part of the area under the front of his tongue. She was optimistic about the sclerotherapy, given his prior results with other areas of his LM. They also tried to sclerose on his left side under his ear, but the cysts in that area were to small to inject. After that they did a scope and ear cleaning (on the left where his ear canal is slightly compressed), and she said everything looks very healthy and functional. Overall, she was happy with what they were able to accomplish. A follow-up MRI should happen in a few months, along with another round of laser and sclerotherapy.

Timothy seems to be in some pain, but not completely inconsolable. They gave him one dose of fentanyl in the OR and he had not had anything after that as of 8pm. Shannon brought his bag of tricks (favorite toys and DVDs) and Timothy seemed content watching his favorite Signing Time tunes. Please pray for a quick and easy recovery for our little trooper.

Thank you everyone for your love and prayers for our little boy.

P.S. Special thanks to Pastor Duane for fighting LA traffic and Hollywood parking to be with us during Timothy's surgery. And to my parents for watching Isaiah, who apparently, and expectedly, is having a blast.

Fearless

Psalm 23:4, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear, for You are with me..."

Timothy's surgery looms on the horizon. Against my will, it resurrects in vivid color all the painful memories that I have gladly let fade over the past months. Fear, dread, anger, worry, denial. Images of my tiny baby in a stretcher full of tubes, cords, and wires, rolling down a long, shiny, sterile hallway. Overworked nurses and intimidating, white-coated doctors. Strange-named medications, IV sticks, blood draws, measured feeds, beeping, whirring machines lit up like Christmas trees.

Why don't I like any of this? Because I cannot control it. I cannot change it, run away from it, or deny it. I cannot make my son better. I cannot take his pain for him. I can shake my fist at God for making us go through this, but what will it help? As Simon Peter said, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

It is never comfortable to be in the place Gods wants us to be. To grow is to endure hardship. When Jesus was face to face with his own mission of suffering, Hebrews says that "He offered up loud cries and tears to the One who could save him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission." I can rebel in my heart and go through this valley alone, or, like Jesus, I can offer my tears up to God and allow Him to take my hand and walk me through.

The choice is mine, and my son is watching.