The Ministry of Motherhood

"Ministry takes place when divine resources meet human needs through loving channels to the glory of God." -Warren Wiersbe

Lately the Enemy has been nudging me with questions. "Where is your ministry?" he asks. "Who are you reaching with the gospel? Didn't God say, 'to the ends of the earth'? Where is your impact?" The words turn over and over in my mind and heart and fill me with doubt and guilt. Indeed, I have neglected friends and family; spent more Sundays in the nursery than the sanctuary; passed by service opportunities here and there. The needs of my own children have come before those of others. Meanwhile, I read through Proverbs and it says to help the poor, the widow, the orphan; and I have done none of these. My sharing of the gospel has been almost exclusively with my children. Am I neglecting the Great Commission?

Last night I attended a powerful, heart-wrenching sendoff for friends of mine, who are moving to Cambodia to serve rescuees of sex trafficking. The suffering of the young girls who will be in their care is unspeakable. Their need for the love of Christ is unquestionable. And the hand of God in calling this couple to this field is obvious. As I reflected upon the gravity of their task, I asked God, "What can I do? How can I help?" This past year I have seen more and more that life is difficult. It is full of pain. There is injustice, cruelty, and incomprehensible evil inflicted upon innocent victims. Loneliness, discouragement, poverty, and hopelessness abound. The devil is real and the battle for human souls incessant. Where does a believer in Christ start? God has given us so many commands in the Scriptures; how can we fulfill them all? As I pondered these questions, I felt overwhelmed and saddened. I felt powerless to make an impact.

Then, I looked down at my sleeping daughter. And the Lord said to me, "THIS is what you can do." That is it. How can I make an impact? By obeying Him in what He has asked of me. I must pour out His love into my children. He made each of them unique and challenging, and gave them to my husband and I as His stewardship to train in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. For some reason, I have been believing that only ventures that are risky, or wide-reaching, or remote, or public, are worthy to be called "ministry." I forget how much I need to rely daily on the Lord's strength with these three souls He has trusted to my care: one bright, stubborn, and determined; one medically fragile and emotionally wounded; and one whose personality is still budding. Is not serving these three, by God's power, enough? At the very least, I know it is more than I can do on my own; it is impossible without Him. It takes more than what I have; it takes the resources of the divine. Thank you, Jesus, for promising that You would give me the strength to do it. Thank you that you have divided our lives into seasons, and that I can wholeheartedly devote myself to planting seeds in this "Spring" of my childrens' lives. May I be faithful, as you are faithful, to cultivate and nurture them in time for the Harvest. And give me wisdom to see what you would have me to do, every moment of every day.

God's Earthenware

Romans 9:20, "Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, 'Why have you made me like this?'"

The artist stands at his easel, a vision of perfection in his mind's eye. Stroke by stroke, he brings his idea to life. Steadily, painstakingly, a work of beauty emerges with each purposeful detail. Finished, he sets down his brush. Surprisingly, his tool is worn, mangled, deformed, misshapen. Amidst many others more pleasing to the eye, he chose this one for its particular usefulness.  And he stands back with delight, saying, "It is good."

In my son, the world sees disability, but the Lord, opportunity. God's economy runs contrary to ours; He delights to use His weakest vessel so that all credit may return to Him. Greater brokenness not only fails to hinder Him, it indeed even multiplies His glory, leaving his instrument to stand back and marvel.

Timothy, as long as you view your flesh as belonging to you for your own pleasure, you forfeit the blessing of God. Instead, you must learn to embrace God's purpose in creating you as He did. Consider yourself God's slave; desire to be fully His instrument; come not to be served, but to serve. Steward your body as you would the borrowed property of a King. When your suffering seems great, consider the agony of the crucified Christ. Offer your broken waterpot to God, and He will take it and shine His light through its cracks. Delight in the depth of your weakness and you will uncover a bottomless, flowing well of infinite joy. "My strength is made perfect in weakness," said the Lord, and Paul replied, "Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities... for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." It is natural to question God, but always let your doubt be turned to trust as you rest in His grace and expectantly watch for His work through you. Place yourself freely in His hands and allow Him to use you howsoever He wills. He is the master artist, and His final work is always good.

Rom 12:1-2
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

A Message for Wives

This story is about Timothy, but I write it to wives.

After Timothy's birth, first surgery, and NICU stay, he came home with breathing that was squeaky and labored. Over and over, the doctors told us it was "stridor" and would go away. "That happens after surgery," or, "It's because of the intubation," they said. The surgeons, pediatricians, occupational therapists, nurses, neonatologists - everyone agreed. After all, the lymphatic malformation had been 95% removed, right?

Night after night, my husband would lay on the couch with Timothy, holding him upright to reduce the "stridor." Day after day, we would watch him struggle. And time after time, my husband would mention that he did not think Timothy was breathing well.

Now, my husband is a gentle, servant-leader and not a commander. He very seldom will give me an order. Like the Holy Spirit, he guides me by example, prodding, suggestions, and questions. And, because I know him, I knew that his "comment" really meant that he thought Timothy needed further medical attention. (Ladies, do any of you have a husband like this? Let us not give ourselves permission to disregard his word because it is not an outright command. Outward obedience to the letter, without inward submission of the heart, is disobedience.)

Every time my husband would mention Timothy's breathing, I did what every disrespecting wife does to not give the appearance of disrespect: I questioned him. "Do you want me to take him to the doctor?" I would ask, but my tone of voice said, "He's fine; that would be a waste of everyone's time." Then, feeling like he was overreacting (as I wanted him to feel), he would say, "I guess not," or something similar. "The doctors all said he was okay," I would say, to further prove him wrong and justify myself.

The scariest part is that I actually believed Timothy was alright. After all, I had a team of seasoned medical professionals backing me up. I had M.D.s, Ph. D.s, O.T.s, and every other bigshot educational degree you could imagine proclaiming Timothy's respiratory health.

But my husband knew something was wrong.

Wives, it was not Adam who was deceived in the garden, it was Eve. I was deceived. And not only did I trust in the worldly wisdom of doctors, I believed I was wiser than my own husband.

Have you ever secretly thought you knew better than him? Have you ever thought that you or someone else was smarter, more informed, stronger, or better equipped? Have you ever been ashamed or embarrassed in your heart, even though you would never say so out loud? My fellow wives, you know deep down that this is sin. 1 John 3:18-20, "Little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things."

God gives us husbands to protect, provide, and lead. The Spirit reveals wisdom to them so that they may fulfill this purpose. The Bible describes the roles of husband and wife as analogous to Christ and the Church. Would you harbor such thoughts of the Most Holy God? Then do not do so with your husband.

Now, back to my story. On Christmas 2009, Timothy started breathing more heavily. While I was nursing him, he stopped breathing for several seconds and his color blued a bit. "Well, the What to Expect book said that was normal," I told myself. (Again, trusting in a book over my own husband!). Then I went to change his shirt, and very clearly noticed that his entire ribcage was visible with each breath. Finally, I thought, "That doesn't look right." I called the Kaiser nurse; she said to call 911. Yet again, I thought I knew better - I decided we could bring him in ourselves. My husband offered to leave right away; no, I said, go ahead and shower and get ready first. (Still taking leadership over my husband!) So he did, and went on ahead of me.

When I did arrive at the hospital about an hour later, I entered into a mad rush to have an I.V. placed so that Timothy could get immediate intravenous steroids. The doctor on duty was pacing nervously and told me that my son would not have lasted more than a couple of hours in his condition. Within hours, Timothy was anaesthetized, intubated, and medi-vac'ed to Kaiser Sunset to undergo trachestomy surgery. I could not believe it. All of the doctors had been wrong. I had been wrong. My husband had known all along.

God was gracious to me and to my son that day. My ongoing disrepect for my husband's leadership could have cost Timothy his life. I am deeply humbled and reminded every time I look at my son's face that I should have listened to my husband. Ladies, honor your man. If he is a believer, and lives his life in accordance with God's Word, the Spirit promises to guide him as he leads your family. Know that you can be deceived. Trust him and submit to him and preserve God's protection over your life and loved ones. Take it from someone who knows.

True Beauty

2 Cor 3:18
"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord."

A couple of Sundays ago I spent the morning with one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. She was graying, wrinkled, and a little bit overweight. Her hair was slightly awry and she limped in function-over-form Grandma shoes. Her allure was not external. It was much, much deeper. It came from the Spirit of God, Whom she had allowed to permeate her being, transforming her into the likeness of Christ.

Timothy, God made you different in your appearance. Prepare yourself for stares, questions, taunts, awkward stolen glances, and feigned indifference. There is no question that you will feel hurt. What will you do with your pain? Your flesh will want to respond with anger, retaliation, and discontent. You may be tempted to deny, escape, or conform. But I pray that you would instead seek to see things from the Lord's perspective.

The Bible says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, that God knit you together in my womb and His work was wonderful. When he formed you, He crafted every detail of your body. The choices He made at that moment were for your good and His glory.  The world will force upon you its expectation of the ideal image. Reject it. It is a lie. For, if God Himself is absolute in beauty, should not Christ have been the picture of perfection? But rather it says of Him, "He has no form or comeliness; And when we see Him, There is no beauty that we should desire Him." Isaiah 53:2

Instead, embrace the glory that God can and will reflect through you as you draw closer to His infinite splendor. You see, one day you will leave your body behind and, if my prayers are answered, be ushered into the presence of Christ. To dwell on your earthly appearance is futile. Cultivate your eternal beauty by sitting in the presence of the Lord and allowing Him to change you into His image. If you do this, your concern over your fleshly "defects" will fade, and you will find your joy blossom and your sadness melt away.

Timothy, this is the only answer to your plight. There is comfort in no other place. You may fill your mind with thoughts of yourself, or thoughts of Him. The choice is yours.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace