The other day someone asked me what happened with my music, and I found myself responding, "Sometimes God's plans are much less glamorous than our own but much more effective in making us like Christ." Often I am tempted to consider what my life "could have been" and must cast off bitterness because my "dreams" have been set aside and replaced with such a tedious and mundane calling (at least as far as the world sees).
They say when you have a special needs child you go through a grieving process for what could have been. They say the end of this process is acceptance. On the contrary, the end of this process for the Christian should be delight. God has revealed through circumstances and His word that His perfect will and plan for my life is to care for Timothy, Isaiah, and my husband (Titus 2:5). If I fail to delight in God's will, then I forfeit the joyful contentedness that comes only from the Lord Himself. Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Would I have more joy making music "for the Lord" than suctioning trachs and giving tube feeds? If I cannot find joy in whatever circumstances I am, I have not found my contentedness in Christ. Philippians 4:11,13, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
God is using Timothy to teach me to find my contentedness in Him and Him alone. More and more I see that I am Christ's servant, that my life is not my own. I am His instrument to bring Him glory. This means that, not only must I place my hope in heaven, I must also live each and every present moment with thankfulness and gratefulness. For our family, this has meant running a long, grueling race which tests us in our love, not only to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, but especially to endure all things (1 Corinthians 13:7).
Jesus promised that whoever wants to be great must be the servant of all. Christ did not exempt Himself from humble, thankless service. His most important work on earth was shameful and agonizing. Am I willing to walk in the footsteps of He whom I call Lord and Master, with joy and delight? What glory this would bring Him, if others could see my joyful countenance in the midst of struggle, the only explanation of which would be the power of Christ Himself. God, please use Timothy to help me to honor you in this way.
